I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My liver just had a heart attack.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
