I didn't shave. On purpose
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
