Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
