I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
