apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
