I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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