How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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