Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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