i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
