I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
