Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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