So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think I died a long time ago.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
