the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
