How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
