so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
