i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
