So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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