I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
