why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Michael Bay diarrhea
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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