I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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