this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
