So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
