Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
