dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
