Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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