just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
