Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
