Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
