I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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