i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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