I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
