Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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