I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
