Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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