So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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