So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
