if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
