How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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