So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
