I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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