the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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