I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
