hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
