im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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