smell my finger.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
