I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
