Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
