i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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