We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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