how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
