You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
