Cold hands, warm shart.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
