I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
