How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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