Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
