Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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