i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
