census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
