It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
