i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
