I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
