I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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