I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
