sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
