Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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