I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
