I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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