Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
