i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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