dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
